Do you realize that all of your friends when you were a kid, even if you talk to them now aren't really your friends anymore? A casual hey or how its going just doesnt match up to playing house and climbing trees together.
I move so damn much and i just realized i only keep a very few amount of friends. The rest are just, dust i get, memories in a picture and i miss them...at first. Then i realize they were just there to fill my time.
Like now, im stuck in this two bit town and they didnt do anything make me mad or upset etc, im fine. Ive just realized, im over it...im ready to move on, i just dont care about them anymore, it bothers me a bit with craig but i dont really care about him as much anymore either. Its just a passing memory again, 4 months and im gone again. Sure it hurts...at first but now its mostly the fact that i have to pretend to care. Im going to try and let craig know just a bit about how i feel about all of this but what can you possibly do about it? i mean come on, we are growing up, peter pan isnt around anymore and disney is dead folks.
I wish i were a kid again, just to be able to say BFF and think i mean it, that i really will be best friends with them forever, even thoug hforever back then meant a week. I guess we really did mean it in that fashion except for me its they are best friends until i move.
You go through phases too...phases where you just dont talk as much but with kalie, shes still my best friend and i can feel it deep in my heart but we just dont talk as much anymore although id trust her with everything, or almost...give or take some of how she'd feel about some things ive done, such as that incident with luke.
Yet back to the getting over things...you know what made me realize it, they all went to the beach tonight when i really wanted to go and asked them to wait an hour, or i didnt ASK them but i implied it and they all went even though i wont be seeing them that often. I cried, juts out of nowhere it just hurt and then it was...an epiphany. I just realized i dont care anymore, why let something like that bother e when in the end im just leaving anyway and i will never come back here unless i have to. Its not like ella and jared in NS, those are the only two who seem to matter right now...there are a few id love to see again but they just arent something i think about every day now.
Then the very few in edmonton and i think maybe craig here...but listening to a song maybe i just want to keep him around as a tie to here. So when i come back i wont be all by myself, i can party it up.
I guess this really is the me i didnt want to be. I cant run from it. I just dont care about people, just wait edmonton...im on my way back.