I looked through my old entries to see if I made a mention of that moment..April 11, 2004. I actually did... but...i didn't say anything other then he was done.
I didn't realize so much time has passed between now and then. I want to hate my mother for letting him into the house when i'm here. i know she knows something bad happened...but i don't think she knows the extent. I wish i could tell her what he did to me. I wish she knew... but i would hate to take away that illusion of him for her. He matters in her life. and I'm afraid...if people knew... I'm sure most wouldn't believe me. I already stand apart from my family, there would be no reason to stand behind me on this.
He's sick and dying...has been for awhile..I just wish he would die already so I never had to worry about seeing him again.
I think I need to go back to therapy.